I miss you dearly

Tonight is one of those rough nights. Rough rough nights that make tears fall down your face and make your screams die right before it comes out of your throats. Rough rough nights that only the sound of silent crying is heard. Rough rough nights when all the memories replay on the ceiling (that you have been staring at for the past half an hour or so). I hate those nights. Tonight is one of those rough nights that makes my heart to be in so much pain that i clasp the left area of my chest tightly till i feel numb.

I miss you so dearly. I do. I do. I remember the first time we met. I remember the first we time we talked. The first time we laughed together. After meeting you, my universe changed. I started to wonder how i could have survived all these while without you. It felt like i couldn't breathe for another moment without you. I remember running to you when i felt like crying. I remember wanting to be hugged by you when i needed reassurance. I remember too … you running to me as you were crying. I also remember you looking for reassurance in my words to you. You were my pillar of strength and i thought i was yours… Then i realized i wasn't a pillar. I was one of those benches in the park. The ones that you sit on when you are so sick and tired of walking. The ones that you sweat on after running around the park. The ones that you leave after you are done. Done resting. When you are ready to move on, you just leave so easily. Poor bench. All it is left with is the marks you leave behind. Your sweat. Your touch. Your scent. You are gone. I was that bench. 

I wonder if once in awhile, you think of that bench? If once in a while, you are grateful for that bench's existence or it just goes unnoticed? As usual. Or do you just unconsciously sit on it when your legs are burning after a long run? I am happy just being that bench. I do sometimes wish of course that i was the pillar.

But,

"Apparently the world is not a wish granting factory." ~ The Fault In Our Stars