Teacher

Teacher's day is fast approaching in Sg. It is the 31st of August! I really wanna write an in depth reflection about my path as one so far.... though to be honest, I still don't really consider myself as "teacher". It's a word that carries so much more weight and responsibility than we can see. This year though has been the most explorative year for me. I grew a lot more and gained a lot more skills from the different experiences that I went through. I was truly grateful for the opportunities given. Next  year during A level break, I do intend on teaching both in school as well as a tutor. The path to me is now more diverse. Having taught in a diverse age group setting, I am now open to more options. This is also the year where I, thankfully, was able to see a lot more tangible and intangible consequences of my actions as a "teacher". I have been "teaching" for 9 years now and yet it seemed like I knew what I was doing already. Except this year I stretched myself a lot more than the 9 years combined. It made me uncomfortable at first to step out of the comfort zone but it was exhilarating to say the least! 

If I do find the time, perhaps I will jot down more thoughts and personal reflections...

Community

Ok... this is purely just a rant entry and I need to really get it off my chest...

Last Thursday, an incident in class shocked and angered me. Then on Friday, during civics, my FT made us write six words that mean the most to us. Many typical words popped up : Sincerity, happiness, contentment, patience, etc... These were my words : Sincerity, loyalty, tenacity, family, friends and community

She made us read the most important word out loud to the class and explain why we chose it. I chose "community". To me, it has always been about the people around me and it will always continue to be this way. I was raised up with grandmas of the block and I have always felt loved and valued in the different communities that I have been in. Receiving so much love, it was a given that I return as much love, if not more. Being an active member of a community has always been important for me. Whether it was my neighbourhood, my class or my CCA. I feel the need and proactively seek to be more than just a building block.

With this ingrained in my personality, I chose to be a treasurer in my JC class (I was chairperson for my first year.). Let's just say I have been doing more than what my role requires. The "incident" that happened on Thursday made me lose hope in my classmates who were involved. This wasn't the first time such a thing has happened and I doubt it will be the last. All I know is that I am absolutely shocked at how inconsiderate they can be towards each other. In fact, I feel like they lack even the basic courtesy as classmates. I don't hold up my expectations to everyone else because we all have different histories hence our stories are written differently. I don't need everyone to be so caring and considerate towards each other. Though it would be great if the world could be so idealistic like that. But I do expect a certain basic decency when dealing with each other. My classmates fell short of those expectations. Expectations that shouldn't even be expectations because they are such a given. I actually thought about writing out a long message to them in the class chat not to chide but to convey my feelings. I give them the benefit of doubt that perhaps they don't really notice it themselves. That maybe they were just not taught. After all, I didn't cultivate these values from birth, I was taught by my community and then led by them to develop it. Perhaps they just need someone to point it out and show it to them. But I don't know... I am just a classmate to them. I might come across as someone overly sensitive or a busybody or any other negative impressions. I don't really want any drama towards the end and end off on a bad note. There's only a few weeks of school left really... But then again given my personality who knows? I might just explode one day while holding it all in.

Dear reader, if this resonated strongly with you, thank you for being that member of the community. Someone who is always ready to do more, to give back more. Don't let your fire burn out. There will be many times when you get discouraged by those around you and many times when you feel like it's all not worth it. Trust me, there is no greater blessing than to be able to give back. One day, one day you will come to a realisation and affirm yourself that you are the strongest candle of them all and that your fire will always burn brilliantly like the olympic torch. Hang in there and keep shining. <3

If you didn't really feel so much for this post, perhaps it's time for a reflection. We are always a part of a community wherever we are, whenever we are. People are our strongest asset and the most valuable thing we can have around us. Are you treasuring those in your community enough? What are you doing to give back?

On a side note, community is a pretty strong subject in Wong Fu's production series : Yappie. Do check it out, it's amazing and totally worth your time!!! (Shoutout to Crazy Rich Asians as well!)

Prelims

Today was my first prelims paper! It was Physics practical paper and I am both glad that it's over and that it went decently. I don't really know what to expect of my results because it was relatively an easy paper. For the first time in a long time, I completed all experiments and the entire paper within time limit. I was also able to take readings properly (though I totally screw up voltmeter readings for qn3). The planning question was also really easy. While I am thankful that they gave us an easy paper (comparing to past year prelims from other schools and even ours itself), I am afraid of the marking standard. Will an easy paper mean super strict marking scheme? Well, only time will tell. I just hope to get a B. With this, I have exactly one week left to prep for the next three prelim papers : GP, Econs and Chem practical. They are all my favourite subjects/papers so hopefully I will have a less harder time preparing for them. Will post more after the papers!

Yin and Yang

The past two weeks were pretty rough for me. It was test after test daily because every subject has finished their syllabus. Lectures and tutorials are just small tests and it stressed me out to prepare for them everyday. It doesn't help that my batchmates are going through orientations now too. To be honest, I started a social media cleanse today. I really do need this period of detachment away because I am stressed out by where I am now. The fact that I am a year late is making me discouraged again. I don't need this negativity on top of the acad stress I am already facing hence I decided that I need a social media cleanse for a few weeks.

But of course I am not weak. I have come this far and will not fall down near the end. I will rise back up and conquer this challenge. So to give myself energy, I went to voicebooth on Thursday after school. I decided that I needed a physical outlet and singing is the only way I know how. I sang for one and a half hour by myself and it felt really good. With every high note I belt out, I felt like I was tearing stress away from me. I sang upbeat girl group songs, catchy boy group songs, slow ballads, popular OSTs and whatever I felt like. My mood became brighter and I could tell that I was gaining back the drive. The icing on the cake was yesterday! It became the best day of the term (maybe even year)!!! Initially chem (first block) was cancelled because we had to do MOE QSE survey but turned out that it was actually during our second block which was a break. That meant we swapped our first block as the free block and that chem was cancelled for nothing! WOOHOO!!! J, C and I went down to the canteen and ate breakfast. The survey later on wasn't that bad, long but fun. Then it was GP which tbh was a bit boring and I almost fell asleep. BUTTTT civics was really healing. Wrote a letter to myself 7 months down the road when I am to receive my A level results. Mr Lee's civics lessons are amazing <3 AND ASSEMBLY WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED, IN FACT BEST ASSSEMBLY EVER IN MY LIFE!!1 HARVARD'S DINS & TONICS PERFORMED UGHHHHHHH OMGGGG Their performance was lively and funny and amazing as always and managed to catch a group pic + indiv with Gyuwon! They are all so tall and cool and wow???


So my super horrible two weeks of school came to an end with a fantastic end that made everything better ~

Regret

I said that I am gonna be using this platform as my memory chest for the last few months of JC2 and I will do just that. I will pen down my thoughts, experiences and reflections honestly here...

The reason I titled this post with such a depressing word is because that’s all I am feeling right now. Today was actually the first day of semester 2 and this whole week is supposed to be Common Test 2. This is my mid year sort of and I had a month long holiday prior to this for the entire month of June. I think we know where this is going... Honestly speaking I did not do any studying and I mean ANY studying at all for like 3/4 of the Hols. And now I am feeling like dying. I wish I was dead. I am so scared right now of how badly I will do and I cannot imagine the consequences. How f***ing stupid was I?!!! I had my first paper H1 Econs today and it was a good paper. That’s because I have always loved economics and have done consistent work through the past semester as well. The last 3-4 days of Hols were also dedicated to revising for it. I am not exactly 100% satisfied but about 70%. But that’s it. That was my one and only good paper. I know, I know my own condition too well. I am like super duper unprepared for the rest of them : Physics, Chemistry and Math (all H2s). At this point though it’s too late to want to pass. I did do work in the past semester but it weren’t as consistent as Econs and I have been doing badly in them always. GG.com

My only solace right now to be very honest is searching up articles of ex Jc students or ex alumis of their similar experiences. I have really reflected today. I cannot drag this laziness on. A levels are in 115/139 days. I need to get my shit together. I have let go of any greed to get a sub pass even for this CT2 but I will definitely start working hard immediately afterwards to prepare for prelims. Prelims start in week 10 of this term. 8 more weeks!!!!!!!! Remedial classes will be my companions in the afternoon heat for the next few weeks I guess...

JC

Been a long time since I bid this place goodbye :’) I have decided to revive this again for the next few months. This is my safe place where I was able to honestly write out my thoughts and experiences. Through writing them out, I was able to document my growth over a few years. This period in my life now is another turning point and I really want to leave behind a tangible documentary. I thought it’s only fitting that I return back here! Hello @my past readers if you somehow manage to get back here lmao.

Anyways, this is the year 2018 ( and I have officially stepped into my twenties!!! D: Turned 20 this last 3rd June :’D ) and since I last posted in 2016, I have grown a lot more than I had planned to. XD And the next few months, I expect to grow even more. It will be a crazy ride as I prepare for A levels, SAT, BMAT and all the UNI admission processes. Yes, I am finally going uni!!!! I actually did badly in my first year of JC so I repeated in 2017 and only advanced to second year this year. So instead of graduating last year, I am only starting out on my uni admission process now. It took me some time to really come to terms with lagging a year behind but I have really learnt that it’s not about how long it takes me but it’s me getting to the goal at my own pace. And now sometimes I am even glad that I made the decision to stay a year behind because the people I have met in my new batch are so very precious. (Ok lah maybe not people lol like one or two) I have gotten through my second time first year very smoothly all thanks to my new clique in my new class. I couldn’t be more grateful to them. But the last six months this year though have been pretty different. Things started changing and some people cracked early on under pressure. But I have sailed along fine because of J. Anyways, I do really want to do well in my exams and get into the course I am passionate in for university. So I am ready to push myself in the next few months leading up to all the exams as well as create precious memories in my last year of formal schooling. With this, I start a new chapter in this book and if there’s anyone reading this, thank you for tuning into my life and take my hands for another jolly good ride!

Love, W