ATC IMPT

Headache ... It's really getting to me now. My health is. I can't sleep until 4+ for how many nights already? (And I am someone that sleeps latest by 12...) How many mornings have I woke up feeling so giddy that I lose my balance at times? How many times have I skipped meals or eat really really late? (I would never ever skip meals but now I do it unconsciously...) I remember in P6 how I was really really sick. It was amazing how I managed to hang on until PSLE. My face was swollen almost every day.

Since part A year I realized something. I cannot tehan trainings for real long. Like part A ATC, I was sparred cause things turned real bad and it was 99% just seniors and teachers "fighting". And that somehow ruined my part A year and yet I learnt real powerful lesssons. I like my A NCOs but I also know what are some things I shouldn't take after them. They were too much of a rebellion and a really cliquey platoon. In part B ATC, on the first night I alrdy had to fall out. Well that wa actually my fault. Cause while bunk cleaning I scraped my knees until the skin ard both knees' were completely torn away. Yup didn't realize until I fell down while ke-belakaning. That same night I had really bad cramps. Yup my timetable is sweet.

This year ATC I wonder how it will be like. Merger, 15+ Ds (max was 10 :/ ) and ma'ams. Eeyeer. I bet at least three will turn up. Not that I don't want them to come but uh things are gonna be chaotic eh. And we are "in-charge". We will be reporting for the company. We will be commanding the company. We will be instructing the company. We will be leading the company. How well can we do? How well will I do? Honestly I am very afraid. "Think before you speak." This was what a senior said to me when I was PT IC for a day. That struck me. Because it was as if she read me. She could tell that I was shooting off whatever the seniors were shouting at me to do. "How long do you want?! You sure it's like that?!" Without thinking, I would freak out at every scream because I would regard every scream as an instruction and then I would end up giving too many instructions at the same time. Only to end up confusing the company. Well time to change. I guess no matter how much they are shouting at you, just calm down and think. 

Um.. Um.. So ah fire drill. Well platoon mates were discussing Abt it today. They still haven't decided how they are going to warn the company about it. 1) tell them secretly tmr but how? Cause sec 4s will be there. 2) email them and ask them to keep it a secret from sec 4s. So uh assuming that ahem someone reads this blog cough cough. I shall warn here and help out ^^ 

What is fire drill? 

We have two nights, right? It depends when it will be, up to sec 4s. It's unexpected so we MUST be prepared AT ALL TIMES. Well last yr it happened ard 4+. First a sec 4 will run into your bunk, swing open the door and yell at you all "PART X ITS FIRE DRILL GET UP!!!" And then you will all wake up and run down to the square area outside of canteen (but I guess it can change). But here's the trick. While running down, sec 4s and ma'ams will try to "kidnap" any of us. They will drag you as hard as they can or tell you gently "part X trust me and come with me."

Whether they decide to be a violent psycho or a smooth con artist to you, DO NOT GO WITH THEM. THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. YOU WOULD PREPARE A TRIO SYSTEM IN ADVANCE WHEREBY THE PLATOON IS BROKEN ITO TRIOS. So when you sleep in the bunk, sleep next to each other. ^^ (it helps) then when running down, HOLD HANDS AND RUN AS FAST AS THE WIND. When someone tries to kidnap you, SCREAM FOR OUR (Cs) HELP. "SEC THREES HELP US." AND THEN DRAG AWAY UR PLAT MATES FROM THE BAD GUY. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO KICK / PUNCH / WHATEVER. but be careful. You don't want to injure anyone. 

Hopefully everyone gets to the fall in area safely. If not we see who's missing and try to find them. If no one gets kidnapped, some of ur sec 4s will be kidnapped and we would still have to find them. This is how it works. The IC will break the company into groups. Each group contains every part (A,B and C). Then the Cs in each Grp will lead the Grp in the rescue mission. So the kidnapped people can be anywhere. A classroom mostly. So if it's a part A/B/C, a sec 4 will be with them. They will tell you to keep quiet and hide quietly. BUT SCREAM. WE WILL GO ARD SCREAMING FOR U SO U SCREAM TO LET US KNOW AS WELL OKAY?!?! PLS JUST SCREAM OR RUN OUT OF THE ROOM. So yeah. If it is a sec 4 then ah Goodluck to us cause well they won't scream. So we have to legit find them. Hopefully everything will be fine. Actually will there even be a fire drill? I think so, right? Anyways please WARN everyone. (Your platoon) 

On a side note, if you do really see this, you never did. Okay??? When my platoon mates warn you in person/email, FEIGN IGNORANCE. THIS POST NVR EVER EXISTED. 

P.S. Goodluck for TAs and ATC! 

ORA

Well, I had fever last night. Yup laid in bed since 11 but couldn't sleep till 4:30 ish. I was just laying in bed, doing nothing. Yup wasn't able to even think about life cause of a terrible headache. Fever started rising up ard 3am and i felt horrible. My heart was beating super fast and I couldn't toss without feeling like everything around me was revolving. Then I woke up ard like 5:10 so I felt better after the nap and prepared for ORA.

ORA was such a disappointment. I asked so many people to come down and they all did but there were a few who couldn't catch it due to miscommunications about when exactly the perf was going to be. Then there was nothing to do except walk around because it was lonely. I was going ard with YJ at first but it was so dry. Like we were just walking and my mind was occupied with someone else so I felt really bad towards her. But hey I met Markus! Was surprised that he could actually remember me tho, after all we only met for a couple of hours haha. But he is such a good pool player. It was really funny how he kept laughing at me cause i couldn't hit properly XD Then Ji Won came and lololol she blamed me for missing the perf. I clearly told her 9:30 okay??? It was never 10:30 but sigh can never win her okay so yeah shall just admit to it being my fault :p. This is my first time at ORA so I was looking forward to it but there were a lot of disappointments. Just before the perf, I was thrown off by some unexpected things and I just zoned out. Which is why I screwed up the rehearsal. But it was hardly a rehearsal cause there were so many ppl watching and I was just frozen. I screwed up the actual one also cause I think my angles were all off. I am getting rusty, it has been so long since i legit trained. Sigh If only I could practice whenever I wanted… Anyways, it really was a disappointment, the entire thing was…

I don't know whether I wanna should continue PDS. I really really really like it because it is such an enjoyment to be able to pull off so many stunts with a 2/3kg rifle. I like the feeling of wanting to so badly be able to perfectly carry out stunts and its just amazing how much I have learnt in the past few months. Started out with "what is PDS?" to being able to perform in the team. It has been such a journey <3… PDS means a lot to me because it has allowed me to know some of the most amazing people ever. It has allowed me to see my platoon mates for who they truly are and not what they seem to be. It has shown me everyone's true colors including mine. It was because of PDS, I started to discover myself and I am glad I chose to be in the team. I don't regret it tbh. And yet I feel that I am not good enough. My drills aren't sharp enough, my jumbo is so unstable and when I do rotations, my body leans in a weird position. I am never good enough but I wanna continue. I want to continue giving my best but i don't know how things will turn out tho…

I am really worried. For a no of people. I just hope that they know that they can turn to me whenever they need help. Be it a listening ear or to just sit down with them and relieve all the stress or anger or whatever they wanna relieve...

Rant

I missed school today :( well this is the first time I am missing sch since I had dengue when I was 8... I had fever and a really really bad headache. But it's all gone now. 

Monday was  very bad. Not because I had exams. Not because I was starting to feel sick. But because I lost it... Well tbh I alrdy lost it on Sunday night then I was suppressing myself till a trigger came and then BAM it all exploded. Now what's left is just awkwardness. 

I applied for ICEP USA but have heard nothing Abt it. Then last fri San told me that when she went for her Germany interview, she saw that 6ppl were short listed for ICEP USA. I was so disappointed cause I really really wanted to go on a NCC trip :( Entire platoon applied for Mt Ophir too but only three got in unlike previous years... All these changes because of stupid merger 

Anyways I texted Mr Ng on Friday immediately after San told me cause I wanted to clarify then when I went for break I saw SSG JQ in the canteen and asked her. She suggested that I could ask SM on fb jus to confirm.  So I did. Since there were Abt two to three other ppl who applied I thought it was only right for me to inform the platoon of the situation. And I did. Then no reply came till Sunday night... They (the same usual few) started going on and on about how I should have asked seniors for permission first and how I shouldn't talk to higher ranks ppl anyhow. Then I got really really really pissed of cause if there's one thing that I hate the most it would be misunderstandings. I controlled my anger and replied "hey guys. Yup I alrdy asked seniors." And then they went onto about how I should have informed them first. Then I quit the chat. Cause if I were to type something back in reply then I would just be having a stupid fight in the virtual world and it's totally useless. All I did was rant on twitter cause I am sick and tired of you ordering me around. You told me not to be rude to seniors (apparently joking was rude) then you broke the gg rules first ... You told me to watch myself infront of my juniors then you act like friends like that outside of training ... Not that I am against it just that why order ppl ard but u urself can't control right? 

Then on Monday I exploded after the papers ... I was supposed to go for PDS at 2:30 but since exams ended at 11 I was thinking of lunching at home then coming back but guess what??? They had to run after me making a scene infront of the class as to where I was going. Then you just had to snap the last string of patience by texting me what time I was coming back. FYI I have never eve ever been late for any trainings at all. 

I can take care of myself thank you very much. 

Then the shirt issue as well. Look I am not rich. I am not poor. But I am still having lots of finance issues. My parents are struggling a lot. My dad works harder than anybody I have ever seen. And you waste my money away. In year 1, without asking the platoon you guys bought $22 worth of clothes for ATC AND IT WASNT EVEN LEGAL TO WEAR SO WE ENDED UP NOT BEING ABLE TO WEAR AND TILL TODAY IT SITS IN MY WARDROBE. Then in part B year, we had to buy so many things to standardize only to end up being used only once. Then this year despite me telling u of how many ppl are against the idea of expensive water bottles u went ahead to buy one that costs $15... And now u want to buy a new shirt for $10?!?! Isn't what we are using now perfectly fine?!? Must you seriously standardize to that extent?!!! 

 

And then now it's just awkward. Anyways I wonder how shu shu is doing. I hope he's fine :/ He seems too detached lol or maybe it's just me. I really like spamming his phone or rather talking to him cause i learn new things all the time (apart from when we talk nonsense) but I feel sorry for being the annoying little kid who disturbs him at like 6+ in the morning and spam his phone through the day lol XD 

But I really hope he's doing well by himself. And that the  "isolation" times will be over soon. Tbh he's schooling so he can't probably stay isolate for long ;) shall disturb tmr as usual ~ 

Apart from NCC my life in General is fine but complicated and busy as usual. I have to work harder cause I am not producing any results at all :( 

And it's 1+ am. I just can't sleep. I just hope I won't ever fall sick again...

You are as pretty as this sunset ~

Sunsets. They are the simplest yet the most breathtaking scenery. I hate the fact that school usually ends around 5/6 and that's like 99% of the time. But trust me I love watching sunsets. Because I come back from school very late, I get to see sunsets everyday. And that is a privilege I shall treasure. As for mornings, I am sorry if I am not paying attention to the morning announcements on stage. I am most probably admiring the sun rise that's calm and beautiful at the same time. I am blesse to be living in such a beautiful world. <3