Page 365

So today's 31th of December and 2014 is coming to a close... Time flies by so fast that it's so I don't know nostalgic ... So here's a list of ppl I want to thank :

Grandma ~

Thank you for being the motivation and for being on my side forever even when the whole world is against me. I love you :')

Mummy and Daddy ~

Thank you for having been by my side and despite all the conflicts we have, thank you for providing me with every little thing I need. 

My lil bro ~ 

You have been amazing and honestly I think we have both learnt so much more about each other and really hope that we can continue being closer and being there for each other. Thank you for always being the first to apologize and forgive after every fight. As small as you are, you have a huge heart. ❤️

Yu Jean ~ 

Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. It's amazing how we have become so much closer this year and I honestly think that I don't deserve you but thank you for having been there for me always and for always trusting and believing in me. You are amazing the way you are, trust me. In the many years to come, I hope that we will become so much closer and be able to give strength to each other like how we do now. Thank you for the memories. I love you. 

Sanmitha ~

You little cuty weird shit. ;) I know you won't ever see this but fuck there's so much I want to say but you know how I feel don't you? :> OF COURSE YOU DOOO. Saying "thank you" won't be enough because you are one of the best things that have ever happened to me so count yourself lucky ;);) kidding heh. You are so weird and annoying at times and so paranoid at times and so smart and have this irritating way of getting me to do whatever the hell you want >( {I do it cause I love you *kisses* }. Just know that I love you a lot (fxking a lot Kay) and will forever continue to freaking annoy you. ;);) 

310 ~

Thank you so much guys for having so much faith in me and for following me despite the fact that I am such a bad chair. Thank you for all the little notes and memories you guys have given me this year. I hope that 2015 will bring our class much closer. <3

CCA ~

So many people (school unit) have taught me so much about unpleasant stuff but I thank you guys anyways cause these are things that are scary and hurting but thank you for teaching me now so that I won't be this weak when I ever experience such things again. I hated you guys but not anymore cause now you are just the old yellow pages in my 2014 diary that will still kept somewhere in my heart because I don't forget. I don't throw away people easily. 

To other units, thank you for giving me so many beautiful memories. Some of you guys ( cough pierce cough ) are just so amazing and even though you may not even think of me as a good friend (cause we aren't close at all), you guys have been amazing because you have stood by my side and believed in when I needed it the most. :> 

Ryan ~ 

Though we aren't as close anymore, thank you so much for being there for me when I was really out of it and Thank you for leading me back to the right path and most importantly for listening to me. I honestly don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been there. I might just have given in to my useless thoughts... As much as you have been a significant person in my life, I feel useless for not being able to help you despite knowing that you are in difficult times. I am sorry. 

 

Chrissy ~

Despite only knowing you for a few months, thank you for being an amazing person who believes in me and always nag at me to sleep early. >( You must practice what you preach. Ahem. I have not been able to do much for you but know that you are an important and a valuable person to me so don't even think of yourself as useless! I will try harder to be a better sister to you :) 

So yeah here are the list of people that mean a great deal to me and I just wanted to let it all out today. :) Have a great new year and hope 2015 will be much better for all of us!! 

Back in the pool

Today was one of those lazy days where you just lay down on your bed all day long doing nothing and it feels exceptionally pleasant. :) It was raining (or rather drizzling) for the entire day and it kind of spoilt our plans to go to the swimming pool until about 5+ then it stopped. So we hurried to the pool and well really retarded things happen. XDXD

Like there's this part of the pool where there's a simulated tsunami and we drifted too far of to the deeper side and basically drowned (floating up and down desperately trying to grasp for air ): ) with the lifeguard laughing at us cause he was just as clueless as we were XD Then we had this "genius" idea of two people sitting on one float and well let's just say it didn't end well :p { we got stuck when we both tried to get out of it and we were just walking around with the float stuck around us for like 5 mins }. Retarded, aren't we? :p Still it was super fun <3

Christmas is over and new year is round the corner so that can only mean one thing : school's gonna reopen soonnnn and I am no ready for that shit. Literally. I am just really really tired of the whole idea of school I guess... Lol

Today I saw A's insta update about how she's finally happier cause she recently broke up but the behind story is this : They both met at Nat Camp (both in my grp) and ended up dating after the camp and broke up after like two months (?). She even said that he was two timing her all along and blah blah blah. My only question is : how can you start and throw away a relationship so easily? There's another couple from my group but they actually seem to be doing well so good luck to them I guess :> There was also news of Seven and Han Byul breaking up and like it was a 12 yrs old relationship that started since high school. Freaking 12 years. Of course it may or may not be true. Maybe it was already a goner relationship since before and they just hadn't announce it to the public but still how can you just ... so easily? Or is it just me?

~ A very Merry Christmas indeed ~

Merry Christmas :) So today's the day I have been waiting for, for so long. Not like I am a Christian and I celebrate it,

it's just... it's just these festive days that I really look forward to because i like how everyone just smiles and wishes to each other. :) Cheesy? Anyways, spent today at USS. Haha they have been really upgrading the facilities + adding in new touches since the last six months! I really enjoyed today because I spent it with my family and though I don't really get along well with them, it's at least comforting to have one by my side ... I wished ppl (some special ones) Happy Christmas Eve yesterday and I really really sincerely was happy that they in return wished me Merry Christmas at exactly midnight. It was sort of like reassurance to me that as much as they mean a lot to me, I meant a lot to them as well :)

It's kind of weird how this year has really been a spicy year cause I expected it to be the peak of my RGS life and was really looking forward to it and then looking at it now, there's just six days left and yet nothing I expected, nothing, has yet happened. It's even more terrifying how things have actually been a complete opposite of how I imagined it would be. It's kind of saddening. 

It's not actually a sad feeling I guess (?) cause I don't legit feel sad but rather more of mix feelings like regret, disappointment, despair and hurt ... The 2014 I imagined and the 2014 I was in is two very different worlds and after experiencing this, I dare not say I have matured so much more but I can confidently say I have learnt so much more. 

If

If one day I can't take it anymore and I go away, will you come with me?

If one day I can't take it anymore and I disappear, will you look for me?

If one day I can't take it anymore and I turn into a monster, will you still love me?

If one day I can't take it anymore, will you hug me tightly and whisper into my ears that everything's going to be alright?

If I change,

If I leave,

If I ...,

Will you still wait for me...?

Will you still be there at the same place where I left you, waiting for me to come back?

Will you still ... still ... love me?