Today was a very unusual day. Mainly what happened during Chinese, I guess. I literally LIKE LITERALLY had 5 teachers who legit praised me for my chinese speaking skills and like it really boosted my morale and made me want to start working hard for O levels!! I guess I really should start putting in the effort eh... I was actually legit happy for the entire day (morning classes) cause I finished all my homework and Physics was really really fun. We had a lot of fun playing around with the circuits and conducting a "funeral" for our dead battery XD What made me sad was after school. I knew yj wanted to talk to me a few days back and I kind of knew what it would be about but really hearing it from her mouth makes it harder to hear. I can't bear to hear her or san get even a tiny little scratch, and to know that they are struggling or stressed or anything, makes me feel really sad and helpless and useless. I know that there's only so much I can do but really I wish and I am willing to do more. I can't bear to see them be like this... I am going to stay strong and make sure I protect them. Because they are my family.
Also, not so surprisingly, found out from yj a few days ago that my y1 and 2 class had this group to "talk" about me and another classmate whom they did not like. It's kind of expected honestly. It just hurts to confirm it. I know that those people are gone from my life and I really don't give a shit about ALL of them (except yj) because well our journey together is over and I have endured as much as I could, now it's time for me to move on. And yet it hurts. Because when she mentioned it, memories flooded back. I am just trying my best to be strong, if I want to break down, I have a million and one reasons to do so. Memories aren't something that I can just dispose of and even though I don't dwell on my past and try to be strong, it doesn't mean that it's not hurting anymore. I just ignore it. I know she felt really guilty about telling me about that afterwards but really I don't see any reason for her to be. She wasn't even actively involved in it and look at us now, we have gained each other's trust and see for ourselves who we truly are. I am really glad that we are who we are now. Without you, I would not be who I am. After everything, I decided to not give myself away so much and have closed up so much that I literally have no one in my life. So I am really grateful for yj and san for being the only people who have shown me till now that true friendship does exist.
Which brings me to my next point.
Disclaimer : These are all very personal opinions of my own so if you think that you won't be able to tahan, then don't read.
I have an issue with people who very one sidedly assumes that they are my friends. Let's say we met at a CIP event and we talked and worked together during that 3 hours. At the end of the 3 hours, your status with me is just "acquaintance". Nothing more, nothing less. I have had a grand total of 63 people as my classmates in my RGS journey and there are less than 10 people that I consider to be my friend. Really, just seeing your face 5 times a week and politely laughing at your jokes and talking to you does not make you my friend. I am not saying that all my classmates have been really bad people or anything but if I can't trust you, I obviously won't consider you as my friend. You are just a classmate/acquaintance. I know some of my classmates doubt whether I hate them or not and that no matter how many times I assure them, they will still think I hate them. I DO NOT. But I don't hate you does not equate to you being my friend. People like R and CJ in y1 and 2 are the people I would consider as my friend. They are really genuine people who were very kind and sincere. In these two years would be people like Ay,A,J,Y,I,S and R because they have not been once fake with me. If you know me well (which is practically no one in my class) then you can tell whether or not I really consider you as my friend. I know that I might sound too arrogant but these are really just frank options i have and I am not gonna hide them just to appear nice in front of people.
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