Realist

It has already been two months into the new year and honestly i am not that stressed out yet. YET. I have been trying to sort out all the mess especially in terms of relationships i guess... It's so weird because i still remember this time exactly last year. And now that it's a year later, everything is so different despite me a year ago imagining things to be the same. Time really change people huh? Inclusive of myself. People who meant the world to me at this time last year are now people that i would never want to look in their eyes again. There's just too many changes and ironically i made them happen. Though i hate changes. I knew i had to confront my own fears because i don't want to end up exploding again like in sec 2. It was a different scenario than now and yet the aftermath was ugly. With the circumstances now, if i were to go off again, this time would surely produce very different and even worse results and no i don't want that to happen again. That's why i had to let it all out so that pressure doesn't build up in me again because the last thing i want is for 2015 to end ugly again like the past two years. No, i want to end things prettily and graduate happily. I don't regret letting it out. I don't regret it but it's still uncomfortable and somethings just keep making me feel weird inside. It's no longer that feeling of a bomb ticking away because there's no reason for me to explode so i guess that's a weight off my shoulder cause i no longer feel that monster inside of me. though i know it's still there somewhere deep inside because the truth is we all have a little monster inside of us...and mine is just scarier  

Anyways that's all about my condition now and i got back my DISC profile a few days ago. I have always believed in things like these and wow it was really accurate. I got SI which is S for steadiness and I for influential. The report said that I am a person who is scared of losing social acceptance and i will do my best to be socially accepted even if it meant going against my will. Like apparently i rather agree to an opinion whilst working with others even though my personal opinion may be different just because i am afraid that i would not be able to fit into the group and i would create an unfriendly atmosphere. It's true but there's also a limit for me. I really try my best to create a nice, friendly and harmonious atmosphere but there's just so much that i can do. In terms of NCC, i believe that i have tried for the past three years and even stretched my patience. And i am really in the process of learning to let go. Learning to accept the fact that I can only do so much and that sometimes i don't have to be afraid of being the mean one.

Just like what the instructor said, S people are scary because once you are able to attain to a certain level of relationship, they will trust you completely and be the most loyal friend you can find around. You will say that they are the most generous and kind people but they are like active volcanoes. Add a little pressure and nothing happens. Add some more and nothing happens. But if you keep adding up the pressure little by little, one day, not ever knowing when, they will just explode. Then, you see that side of them that you will never want to see again. Lose their trust and you will never gain it back. And no it isn't easy to lose their trust because they are very forgiving. Those sentences just killed me because it felt like he knew me all along and he summarized me so well and it nicely fits into the situation now.
As for D type of people, the dominant type, are the kind of people that get so obsessed with the task at hand that sometimes you forget about the people around you and tend to step on them, not literally. WHICH IS SO FUCKING TRUE BECAUSE SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT THE D TYPE AND WELL YEAH EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED IS MAINLY DUE TO THAT REASON?? of course I proved all the others wrong too and weirdly i feel really satisfied about that.

Well, now all that's left to do is to keep going and not give up because it will all be worth it in the end.