Relapse

Lately if I were to confess, I have been confused. I can't remember where I put my stuff. I get confused by time so much that I can barely recall what happened yesterday. I don't really feel that energetic. This only means one thing. A relapse of what happened in March. Most people probably don't know what happened but only a few would. Those few that have become so distant from me in the past few months. I MISS THAT MAGICAL MORNING… I am really really tired right now… I remember how i was so hyped up last dec thinking about what a wonderful year would 2014 be. Sec 3, new class, new friends, new teachers, new subject combi, part C, new responsibilities, new opportunities… I was looking forward to it like crazy. That moment finally came and everything was going fine until i came back from OBS. When i came back from OBS, everything changed. It just did. Without any reasons. Maybe I am overreacting but trust me when i say that the last eight months have been crazy. It really has been. I have changed so much and seen so many changes. It's all so sudden and new. I felt like collapsing at one moment. When the weight of everything crashed on me. A few helped me made it through. I though i was going to die. Later on, now, I realized that the same few were the ones who is making me collapse again. I found myself in that period of hell but i lost everything else. I lost my closest ties. People. Perhaps it's because i have changed too much and too sudden. Perhaps it's because we weren't actually that close anyways. You see, i tend to rush into relationships. Maybe i was the only one who was interested in us. "Us" is no longer important to you nor me now and somehow i still keep the memories deep inside somewhere and i take them out on rainy days or those i-am-mentally-and-physically-tired-and-i-only-want-to-see-you-again days. I take them out and i just replay them and i laugh at all the good times that we spent and spend the rest of the night crying because i know that i can never get it back or even the chance to create any memories with you. because it is now "you" and "I" and not "us".