안녕이제goodbye

I am weak. I am not strong. Yes I am trying to do exactly that. Pushing people alway and denying myself love. And I do it out of fear. I do it out of fear that it would all be gone one day.

 "Aren't you scared? Scared that you might just lose it all one day?"~unknown

"I am a grenade. A grenade that is going to blow up one day and leave many casualties behind." ~The fault in our stars

And that fits me exactly as of now. Wild thoughts run through my mind every second. What if my family gets into an accident? What if my best friends all hate me now? What ifs... 

The six people that I used to place as first in my life? I am losing them. I have become so distant without even knowing why. 

Ji Won? I burden her so much. I tell her all these heavy stuff every other day and she wastes her time worrying over me who isn't worth it. 

You? I probably burdened you the most. I couldn't even protect you when someone called you slut. I couldn't even protect you when tears were streaming down your face. I couldn't even comfort you when you were feeling the worst. I couldn't even be there for you. Tell me. Do you still think I deserve you? You are surrounded by a thousand times better people. No a million times better. I rather see you from far than be near you and give you harm. That's why I choose to leave because I rather see you happier than be stubborn and stay by your side. 

A? I thought I finally found someone who understand me. Then I realize we were not even friends. We couldn't even be considered friends and just like that I lost yet another person. Or rather I let go. 

So I am trying to let go of everyone now. I am going to blow up one day like a grenade and I don't want anyone to get hurt. I am trying to minimize casualties. I am losing myself. Just hate me alright? Hate me because I am not keeping my promises. I am a bad person. A bad guy. Just just forget about me okay???