I am not like you. I am not a hermit. People read me easily. I am a very transparent person. Yeah i know what you told me last night. To trust that i will go through this all. But i don't trust myself. "Who is the happier man? He who have braved the storm or he who have merely existed on the shore?"The correct answer is obviously the one who have braved the storm. But right now i rather exist. I rather exist on the shore and be broken. Or maybe i am alrdy broken. I was scared of others but now I am scared of myself. Because I am turning into someone i don't want to be. I am scared. Of me. I want to be alone. But it's not possible. I have school. And at school, i can't zone out. For the obvious reason I am in charge of things. I am in charge of making sure the class go down on time for assembly. I am in charge of making sure the class brings lesson materials to school. I am in charge of making sure the class behaves, making sure their socks are of acceptable length. Most important of all, teachers expect me to be smiling and leading the class. But i can't smile. I don't fee like smiling. And what do you expect me to do when they keep wearing ankle socks to school? I have reminded them/texted them, tried everything i can. If they don't listen, what am i supposed to do? I am in this state where i really want to be alone where i can figure things out but i am expected to carry out my daily tasks. I forgot i had PE block and i didn't bring my shorts and that is not acceptable because i am supposed to be the example. But i am not confident anymore. I am not confident of being the leader anymore. For i can't even lead myself. At this rate, i am going down the wrong path. I am destroying myself and i am afraid i will never rise again. Heh. I am a very weird and stupid person so to whoever read all this, i think you came to the wrong place. I am not someone worth your time.