I hope I am going down the correct path

I used to believe in eternity. I used to believe that we will forever talk on the phone for 4 hours straight at a time, that we will talk to each other till 3am 4am in the morning, that we will forever see each other everyday and laugh at little things and that we will always be together forever. But i don't have the confidence anymore. Like after next year, sure we will still be in the same school but different CCAs different classes different everything.

 There was once i voiced it out. Out loud. I have always been this crazy optimistic figure among my friends. Always saying things like "we will be together all the time. we will be life long friends." Then one day I blurted out about how we will one day, soon, go our own ways and that startled them. I saw the look they gave. Like "are you srs? why you of everyone else is saying this?" Then i shut up. And since then I have been thinking, "Have i been this crazy optimistic person because i feel obliged to or because that's who i truly am." There was a point when i wanted to stop caring. About everything. And i felt good. So i thought "Okay so I have been lying to myself all this time. I am just this crazy optimistic person cause i feel obliged to." But then after talking a few ppl and shutting myself off from everything, i realized that that was not what i wanted. I was happy for a while to not care but actually deep down i was hurting. It hurt me to see myself not caring when i was supposed to. Even if people were to say that i was caring too much. I was happy because my mind was not occupied with million of thoughts like it used to. I was happy i was taking a break. Yup that's what i needed. A rest.

In the process of being the happy crazy optimistic and mother hen of the pack, i have put myself down too much. I have neglected myself too much. So from now on I am going to pamper and praise myself when needed to. I am proud to be myself. and this is all thanks to a certain someone, x. I miss her too freaking much. :') It's okay tho we will definitely have a study date with sushi soon ~

I miss you and i miss your smile. But i know this goodbye is just a prelude to another hello.

P.S. 3 posts in a day is truly amazing :p and I FINISHED HISTORY SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
plus my hand is really in bad condition heh :p