I am losing

I am losing. Losing in this battle between me and another me. A part of me wants to be around people and laugh till I run out of breath. That part of me wants to return to being the old me. Someone who smiled and laughed and was around people all the time. But another part of me now embraces silence. Alone. Just me and my thoughts. That part of me doesn't like crowds nor emotional attachments. And I am losing to the latter. I don't know what's happening. This story. When is it ending?