Hmm… so a couple of things that three people told me…
1) A - You have to isolate yourself for the time being and search within you what you really want and what you really need. You are a mess right now and i suggest you really literally isolate yourself and think things through.
2) B - Be strong. Be a leader. You may feel like giving up at times, running away or simply crying. But don't. Stay strong. There's a reason why you are a leader. To be strong when no one else is. So don't give up. Stop crying. Get up and move on.
3) C - Denying yourself love is weak not strong. So don't ever distance yourself from your friends. You are beautiful.

So no one actually really knows the entire picture heh obv. Cause i never told anyone everything. But what they all said, when i pieced them altogether, it somehow makes sense and somehow i realize that i was being a little whinny kid who was crying when i was supposed to be strong. So i kind of thought through things and have found solutions and who i want to be. My first goal is to stop being over "nice". Like i tried to do everything for everybody for the past two years. And that greatly affected my studies and emotions. So now i shall back off. And guess what? I found myself doing the same things today. == Just when i thought i was finally able to control myself… Like i spent one whole freaking hour to clean my classroom ALONE cause it was super messy and i just "nagged" at my classmates for their behavior during class, to be on time for morning assemblies etc etc… And that was something i told myself to stop doing. First of all, i should have asked those on duty/entire class to help me clean but i was like "oh they have cca. they need to go home." then i was reflecting just now and i realized "what about myself? Don't i need to study too?" So yeah. That was very bad i guess. I should have gotten people to help instead of trying to be a crazy superwoman. But hey! The classroom is SUPER CLEAN AND ORGANIZED HEHEHEHEH SO HAPPY <3<3<3

okay bye. I am longing for sushi. UGH I am going to eat hand roll tmr heh